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5 Signs It’s Time to Consider Divorce

Divorce can be a draining, time consuming process when it comes to legally dissolving one’s marriage with their former spouse. It’s important to recognize warning signs that it may be time to consider the divorce process. In doing so, it will lessen the blow of preparing for this emotional journey.

Signs it’s time to get a divorce can be a confusing, especially when there are children involved. Therefore deciding whether you’re in a failing marriage that’s beyond repair is obviously not a choice that comes easily.

It’s not always as black and white as infidelity or financial problems, and while divorce is no one’s plan in life, these red flags could mean the end of your marriage.

1. Lack of Communication

Communication is a key ingredient to a healthy relationship.  Even when it leads to a disagreement — it is important for spouses to understand how the other is feeling. Some might think that avoidance of conversation to prevent arguments is preferable to fighting with a spouse.

When conversation breaks down completely – and neither of you are willing to put forth the effort to learn about what each other is feeling – is a clear indication that the relationship may no longer be worth the ongoing upset. 

2. Avoiding your Partner

You start to find ways to avoid any interactions with them, and would rather have no contact than negative confrontation. You find yourself wanting to spend more time with friends and family. This can be a sign that things have changed on your end in a big way.

3. Change in Values and Priorities

In good relationships couples value the same things. People can change over periods of time which is completely normal and healthy in a relationship, but what they once used to value no longer matters to them any more.

It could be as small or as big as a partner changing a couple things in their lifestyle which forces a new way of life upon their partner. For example, one partner wants to move somewhere for a job opportunity while the other would rather not. Unless both people can adapt to significant changes like this, it can be a tough one to surpass.

4. Indifference inside and outside the relationship 

If negative thoughts have begun to override the way you see your partner, things may be headed for divorce. Prolonged feelings of indifference toward your spouse is a major sign that something is off within your marriage. When you stop caring about what the other person thinks and feels, you’ve lost the ability to listen and connect—which is not as easy to fix.

5. Lack of Intimacy 

Feeling close to your partner goes far beyond the physicality of the relationship.  The deficiency of emotional intimacy is equally as big of a sign as the more apparent lack of physical intimacy. If you feel like you can’t connect with your spouse on a deeper level—or don’t want to—you’ve lost an important part of the marriage.

It’s always possible to seek out counseling to find out what’s not working. But if you’re past the point of feeling attracted to your partner, divorce may be the next step. 

Final Thoughts

Breaking up a marriage can be one of the hardest things to do — but thinking long term is the best way to go about these types of situations. Divorce can be frightening and overwhelming. But when you break it down into small, manageable steps, like those outlined above, it becomes somewhat “do-able” to leave a relationship that no longer benefits you and your family. 

It could mean setting time aside to sit down and openly talk to your partner about your feelings, going to counseling or maybe even starting the separation process. Living unhappily is not necessary and there is usually a light at the end of every tunnel —if you look hard enough. 

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Getting a Same-Sex Divorce in Illinois.

Divorce is the last thing you think about when you and your spouse are exchanging vows. However, for different reasons, divorce happens. When it comes to divorce and child custody cases involving same-sex couples, there are many factors that can complicate the court’s ruling.

Along with the right to marry in Illinois (and every state in America), marriage equality laws also gave couples the right to divorce, regardless of where they live. But, in some cases, the divorce process can become complex.

Because same-sex marriage hasn’t been legal for too long, courts have broad discretion when making decisions about relationships that were in place long before the Supreme Court’s landmark decision. One of the biggest issues same-sex couples run into when they get divorced is determining how to award spousal and child support if the couple was living together as domestic partners much longer than their legal marriage. Same-sex couples often see one spouse adopt children and then they live as a family, without the benefit of a joint- or cross- or co-adoption.  That could spell disaster for the non-adopting parent.

Parental Responsibilities

Parental responsibilities are different for someone married to a child’s birth mother. The law spells out how the birth mother’s spouse can be the legal parent of the child. For two married men, adoption is often the route to parentage, for married women, the female who did not give birth also usually adopts the child/children.

Since 2016, instead of dividing up “custody” and “visitation,” divorcing parents make an “allocation of parental responsibilities.” Under the revised Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, only non-parents get visitation.

You must be a parent to have any parental responsibilities. Who’s a parent is determined by the Illinois Parentage Act. The Parentage Act spells out 4 ways the spouse of the birth mother can be legally presumed to be the child’s parent. The law below applies to both marriages and civil unions. It also applies to a male or female spouse of the birth mother. The four paths to parenthood are:

  1. The child is born while the spouses are married to each other.
  2. The child is born after the marriage is over. It must be within 300 days after that termination.
  3. The first 2 situations, but where the couple tried to enter into a marriage or civil union “in apparent compliance with the law.” However, that marriage or union is later terminated or declared invalid for some reason.
  4. A person marries the birth mother after the child is born. Plus, that person consents to being added to the child’s birth certificate.

Parenthood for two married men results from one being the child’s biological father, and the other adopting the child,. Or, it results from both spouses adopting a child together.

Same-Sex Divorce Procedure

Generally – asides from the issue of Child Custody (Parenting Time) – the divorce process for same-sex couples is not different compared to a divorce involving a heterosexual couple.

  1. File the Petition for ‘Dissolution of Marriage’. To properly file in Illinois, one or both parties must establish residency within the state for at least 90 days before commencement of the case. The petition must state whether the divorce action is sought on fault or no-fault grounds. (Contested or Uncontested).
  2. Serve the complaint on the other spouse.
  3. The other spouse files an answer to the petition or risks a default judgment from the court.
  4. The investigation and negotiation stage occurs, where the couple’s attorneys gather relevant evidence and prepare for a court appearance. The couple may also work toward a mutually-agreeable settlement through divorce mediation.
  5. A trial commences if no settlement is reached. At this stage, the divorce is granted, and the court determines issues like custody, child support, spousal maintenance and the division of the couple’s property.

Hiring the Right Experienced Same-Sex Divorce Attorney

If you are going through a same-sex divorce, you probably have many questions about the process.

By hiring a knowledgeable and experienced divorce attorney – who understands the unique challenges same-sex couples face – will ensure that your interests are protected during the dissolution of your marriage. How? Since it is possible to encounter judges or other court personnel who may have had limited interactions with same-sex divorces or same-sex individuals in general, it is important to have an attorney who is not only sensitive to the dynamic, but one who is well known by the Court and knowledgeable of the various laws.

Masters Law Group understands that divorce is a stressful situation and that our clients want to move on with their lives. As such, we move through settlement negotiations, mediation or litigation with our clients assurance and well being in mind.

Whether you are facing a same-sex contested divorce, uncontested divorce, or civil union divorce, our firm’s attorneys are ready to skillfully advocate for your position and provide your voice when you need it most.

Divorce cases involving substantial assets or complex estates require specialized knowledge.  Masters Law Group is skilled at identifying and valuing assets and wealth, including real estate, securities, business interests, retirement funds, pension plans, tax shelters (domestic and foreign), overseas accounts, stock options, trusts and other actual or potential sources of wealth.

Don’t go it alone. Contact us here today to schedule a consultation.

 

Illinois Child Custody Basics: Allocation of Parental Responsibilities

Legally speaking, the term “child custody” is now called “parental responsibilities“. This includes parenting time and decision-making power. If you live in Illinois and are engaged in a custody battle for your child, you should know the basic rules and be able identify specific factors that courts consider in making custody decisions.

In a divorce proceeding, determining who will have residential custody of a child can be the most emotionally difficult part of the entire process. If you are a parent who is considering ending your marriage, you probably have concerns about how you and your ex-spouse will share responsibility of your child/children. Some couples are able to come to a custody agreement between themselves, however for many, couples require legal and court intervention.

FACTS ABOUT ALLOCATION OF PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES AND GUARDIANSHIP

There are three basic types of child allocation of parental responsibilities in Illinois — joint allocation of parental responsibilities, sole allocation of parental responsibilities and shared allocation of parental responsibilities:

Joint allocation of parental responsibilities requires parents to cooperate in decision-making regarding education, health care and religious instruction. It does not mean that the children live with each parent for an equal amount of time. The parties will agree or the court will assign a residential parent. The non-residential parent will pay child support and exercise parenting time. The amount of time the children spends with the non-residential parent is addressed in a parenting time agreement or order.

Sole allocation of parental responsibilities is the term that describes the arrangement that gives one parent the responsibility for deciding everything related to the child’s welfare. It does not mean that the other parent is out of the picture. Parenting Time and parenting time can be the same in a sole allocation of parental responsibilities case as it is in a joint allocation of parental responsibilities case.

Shared allocation of parental responsibilities is a form of joint allocation of parental responsibilities. It is appropriate when the child spends equal time with each parent, the parents reside in the same school district and are able to joint parent.

ILLINOIS-SPECIFIC LAWS

Illinois law encourages the “maximum involvement and cooperation of both parents regarding the physical, mental, moral, and emotional wellbeing of their child.” However, if the parents appear unable to agree on decisions about the major aspects of a child’s upbringing, the court is must decide how to allocate each of these responsibilities.

Illinois allocation of parental responsibility laws stipulate that children 14 and older may choose which parent to live with, but the judge may overrule this decision if he or she determines the child’s decision is not in his or her best interests. A parenting plan generally recognizes the following:

  • The continuity of the parent-child relationship typically is in the child’s best interest.
  • The needs of children change and grow as they mature.
  • Custodial parents make daily decisions (including emergencies) while child is with that particular parent.
  • Both parents are to have access to a child’s official records

Parenting responsibility plans also identify how children spend birthdays and other holidays (plus iron out details such as transportation arrangements, when supervision is required and other considerations.)

The newest changes made to Illinois child custody law were made back in 2016.  Highlights of those changes include:

  • As mentioned above, “custody” and “visitation” have been replaced with “allocation of parenting time and responsibilities” to describe when each parent is responsible for the child and what those responsibilities entail during that time.
  • The terms “joint decision-making” and “sole decision-making” have been added to describe whether one or both parents must make decisions about education, religion, medical care and extra-curricular activities.
  • A court order is required for the custodial parent to move more than 25 miles from their current location if they live in the Chicago metropolitan area.  If the residence is outside of the metropolitan area, a court order is required for a move greater than 50 miles.

GETTING STARTED

Beginning the allocation of parental responsibilities process can vary from county to county, but in general, this the steps to follow include:

  1. Familiarize yourself with your county’s rules. Consider seeking legal representation.
  2. File a petition. The petition may be submitted independently or as part of a divorce, separation, order of protection or parentage case. You must file all forms electronically, unless you have been granted an exemption.
  3. Notify the other parent you are asking for a certain amount of parental responsibilities. To do this, you must serve them a “summons” along with the filed petition. The server may be a sheriff’s deputy, a private process server, a private investigator or — with permission from the court — an adult with no relation to the case.
  4. Wait to hear from the other parent. The other parent has 30 days to respond.  If the parent does not respond, ask the court for a default judgment.
  5. File a parenting plan. Each parent has 120 days from the initial filing to submit a proposed parenting plan. These plans help the judge make custody decisions.

Masters Law Group LLC focuses on helping clients assert their rights to further the best interests of their children. We help clients put aside their grief and educate them about their options in child allocation of parental responsibilities.

If you are in the midst of a dispute regarding the allocation of parental responsibilities, contact our experienced attorneys here today.